Bus to Beelzebub

Get onto the bus,
That's gonna take you back to Beelzebub,
Get on to the bus,
That's gonna make you stop going rub a dub,

Your words burn the air,
Like the names of candy bars,
Your mouth is cold and red,
All in rings around your,
Laugh laughing laughs,

It's a grind, grind,
It's a grind,
It's a grind, grind,

I'll scratch you raw,
L'etat c'est moi,
I drink the drink,
And I'm wall to wall,
I absorb trust like a love rhombus,
I feel I must elucidate,
I ate the chump with guile,
Quadrilateral I was,
Now I warp like a smile,

Yellow number 5,
Yellow number 5, 5, 5,

Voulez-vous the bus?

- Soul Coughing

Fight Club

Narrator: Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?

Tyler Durden: C'mon, do me this one favor.

Narrator: Why?

Tyler Durden: Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?

Narrator: No, but that's a good thing.

Tyler Durden: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself, you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.

Narrator: This is crazy.

Tyler Durden: So go crazy. Let 'er rip.

Narrator: I don't know about this.

Tyler Durden: I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?

Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?

Tyler Durden: That's right.

Narrator: What, like in the face?

Tyler Durden: Surprise me.

Narrator: This is so fucking stupid...

[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]

Tyler Durden: Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!

Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.

Tyler Durden: Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?

Narrator: Guess I fucked it up...

Tyler Durden: No, that was perfect!

- Fight Club

Is That All There Is?

I remember when I was a very little girl,
our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face
as he gathered me up
in his arms and raced through the burning building
out to the pavement.
I stood there shivering in my pajamas
and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over I said to myself,
"Is that all there is to a fire?"

Is that all there is? Is that all there is?
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing,
Let's break out the booze and have a ball,
If that's all there is...

And when I was 12 years old my father took me to a circus,
the greatest show on earth.
There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears,
and a beautiful lady in pink tights
flew high above our heads.
And so I sat there watching the marvelous spectacle,
I had the feeling that something was missing.
I didn't know what, but when it was over,
I said to myself,
"Is that all there is to a circus?"

Is that all there is? Is that all there is?
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing,
Let's break out the booze and have a ball,
If that's all there is...

Then I fell in love, head over heels in love,
with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river
or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day he went away and I thought I'd die,
but I didn't,
and when I didn't I said to myself,
"Is that all there is to love?"

Is that all there is? is that all there is?
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing.

I know what you must be saying to yourselves,
"If that's the way she feels about it
why doesn't she just end it all?"
Oh, no, not me.
I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment,
for I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you,
when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my lst breath,
I'll be saying to myself:

Is that all there is? Is that all there is?
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing,
Let's break out the booze and have a ball,
If that's all there is...

- Peggy Lee

My Dick

My dick cost a late night fee,
Your dick got the HIV ,
My dick plays on the double feature screen,
Your dick went straight to DVD,

My dick: bigger than a bridge,
Your dick look like a little kid's,
My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team,
Your shit look like you fourteen,

My dick: locked in a cage, right,
Your dick suffer from stage fright,
My dick: so hot, it's stolen,
Your dick look like Gary Coleman,

My dick: pink and big,
Your dick stinks like shit,
My dick got a Caesar do,
Your dick needs a tweezer, dude,

My dick is like super size,
Your dick look like two fries,
My dick: more mass than the Earth,
Your dick: half staff, it needs work,

My dick: been there done that,
Your dick sits there with dunce cap,
My dick: V.I.P.,
Your shit needs I.D.,

My dick need no introduction,
Your dick don't even function,
My dick served a whole lunch-in,
Your dick: it look like a munchkin,

My dick: size of a pumpkin,
Your dick look like Macaulay Culkin,
My dick: good good lovin',
Your dick: good for nothin',

My dick bench pressed 350,
Your dick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty,
My dick: pretty damn skimpy,
Your dick: hungry as a hippie,

My dick don't fit down the chimney,
Your dick is like a kid from the Philippines,
My dick is like an M16,
Your dick: broken vending machine,

My dick parts the seas,
Your dick farts and queefs,
My dick: rumble in the jungle,
Your dick got touched by your uncle,

My dick goes to yoga,
Your dick: fruit roll-up,
My dick: grade-A beef,
Your dick: Mayday geek,

My dick: sick and dangerous,
Your dick: quick and painless,
My dick: 'nuff said,
Your dick loves Fred.

- Mickey Avalon

Super Bon Bon

Move aside
and let the man go through,
Let the man go through.

If I stole
Somebody else's wave
to fly up,

If I rose
up with the avenue
behind me,

Some kind of verb,
Some kind of moving thing,
Something unseen,
Some hand is motioning,
to rise, to rise, to rise.

Too fat, fat you must cut lean,
You got to take the elevator to the mezzanine,
Chump change, and it's on,
Super bon bon, Super bon bon

And by the phone
I live in fear,
Sheer chance will draw
You in to here...

- Soul Coughing

Quote of the Day

Well it's a bit chillier than I thought, so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants.

- Michael Scott (The Office)

Schrutables

"There's nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon."

"I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me."

"It is better to be hurt by someone you know by accident, then by a complete stranger on purpose."

"The eyes are the groin of the head."

- Dwight Schrute [The Office]

Quote of the Day

Drive careful. Be lucky.

- Doomsday

Quote of the Day

I'm so sweet like a nice bon-bon.

- Beastie Boys

Quote of the Day

We're not so different, you and I. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. I got over it. You will too.

- Gam Gam [Beer Fest]

Quote of the Day

Men are shameless. If they aren't thinking with their weiner, they're acting directly on its behalf.

- Good Will Hunting

7 Jam

Everything gonna be all-right,
I went deep down into that river now,
I rose up.
And I felt that sun beat down upon this sinner's face,
And I went deep down in that water now,
I rose up.
I felt that sun beat down upon my face,
Everything gonna be all-right,

So then I smash up the palace like the son of Samson,
Hollerin' louder than all of Bedlam,
Take me to higher ground,
Then bury my body 6-feet down.

And I walked 40-miles out into that desert now,
Wailed and moaned,
Till a Lion, He called my name,
And He said that Old Ship of Zion is takin' way, way out,
Out into outer space.

And He said, everything gonna be all-right,

I climbed the highest of the heights,
Atop that mountain I watched the day turn into night,
Oh I tell you I was a wretched sight,
But I stood long and hard until the light,
Rubbing needles in my eyes, eating dirt,
I stood up, and everything was all-right.

- Clutch

Here Comes the Rain Again

Here comes the rain again,
Falling on my head like a memory,
Falling on my head like a new emotion,
I want to walk in the open wind,
I want to talk like lovers do,
I want to dive into your ocean,
Is it raining with you?

So baby talk to me,
Like lovers do,
Walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Talk to me,
Like lovers do...

Here comes the rain again,
Raining in my head like a tragedy,
Tearing me apart like a new emotion,
I want to breathe in the open wind,
I want to kiss like lovers do,
I want to dive into your ocean,
Is it raining with you?

So baby talk to me,
Like lovers do...

Here comes the rain again,
Falling on my head like a memory,
Falling on my head like a new emotion,
(here it comes again, here it comes again),
I want to walk in the open wind,
I want to talk like lovers do,
I want dive into your ocean,
Is it raining with you?

- Eurythmics

Too Drunk

I hit the bottle in the morning in the summer time,
I quit my job cause it gets in the way ,
I find a party by the ocean, buy the cheapest wine,
tell all my friends to come and waste the day,

I got a dimebag,
cordoroys,
colored sleeves,
and a thimble with some LSD,
Now I'm just lookin' for a girl to meet to help me forget my name,

I could spend my lifetime gettin high,
never wanna live in suit and tie,
Most suckas are just livin a lie,
drunk gettin' fucked up every night,
I'm gettin' drunk all night,
I'm gettin' drunk all day,
I'm gettin' drunk all night,
I'm sorry but I have to say,
I'm too drunk to fuck.

Now the party was jumpin' and the girls were fine,
with the lipstick summer glaze,
I got so many women comin' after me,
I put some pussy on layaway,
I was smoked out,
tore up,
drunk as fuck,
and I wouldn't wanna change a thing,
Young and dumb and full of cum with a sugar loaded candy cane,

I could spend my lifetime gettin' high,
never wanna live in suit and tie,
Most suckas are just livin a lie,
drunk gettin' fucked up every night,
I'm gettin drunk all night,
I'm gettin drunk all day,
I'm gettin drunk all night,
I'm sorry but I have to say,
I'm too drunk to fuck.

I can't eat, can't sleep, and I'm bored as fuck,
and the girl I want just walked away,
She just found out I'm too drunk to fuck,
looks like I'm not gettin laid,
I could spend my lifetime gettin' high,
never wanna live in suit and tie,
Most suckas are just livin' a lie,
drunk gettin' fucked up every night,
I'm gettin drunk all night,
I'm gettin drunk all day,
I'm gettin drunk all night,
I'm sorry but I have to say,
I'm too drunk to fuck you!

- Buckcherry

The Jager Song

Woke up on the kitchen floor,
Breath smells just like cow manure,
What I did last night I'm not sure,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

I lost my wallet and my keys,
Picked up a girl but she had fleas,
Some guy named Bruce had me on my knees,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

We drink a bottle every day,
Sometimes two but that's okay,
Now I can't tall if I'm straight or gay,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

I woke up in Jim Bain's van,
Don't know really where I am,
But I'm in bed with another man,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

I got married yesterday,
Now I'll never be the same,
I only wish I knew her name,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

My mother in law is drinking up,
Says that she can't get enough,
Omigod, she's throwing up,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

Our drummer's on his own again,
By himself with no girlfriend,
Now his right hand is his best friend,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

Connecticut State Troopers are the best,
They do their job with zeal and zest,
I just wish I'd studied for the breathalyzer test,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

Kevin is a real dude,
Afternoons with attitude,
He loves to broadcast in the nude,
While drinking Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

The Windsor fire department has been found,
They just keep ordering round after round,
Man I hope that station don't burn down,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

With love lines you just can't go wrong,
Good advice yeah all night long,
About what to do with your scholng,
While drinking Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,

Frank Chase well he wrote this song,
After drinking all night long,
If he heard my version I'd be gonged,
Thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister,
I want to thank you, thank you, thank you Jagermeister!

- Frank Chase

Quote of the Day

There are three things, and three things only, that can lift the pain of mortality and ease the ravanges of life. These things are wine, women, and song.

- Neil Gaiman [Anansi Boys]

Quote of the Day

If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang.

- Animal Mother [Full Metal Jacket]

Quote of the Day

You want to make a game out of it, take 3 Tylenol PM and try to whack off 2 times before you fall asleep. Either way, you win.

- 40 Year Old Virgin

Quote of the Day

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying.

- Robert Herrick

Quote of the Day

Useless details [are] only useless until you connect them all together. Everything is nothing by itself. [...] Everything is important. Every little detail. We just don't know why yet.

- Chuck Palahniuk [Diary]

Quote of the Day

What you don't understand you can make mean anything.

- Chuck Palahniuk [Diary]

Quote of the Day

If someone asks you if you're ticklish it doesn't matter what you say, they're going to touch you anyway and try to make you laugh. If you don't want to be touched, you have to say something like "I have diarrea, and yes, I'm ticklish."

- Dimitri Martin

Little Tiny Moustache

You're the love of my life but it cuts like a knife,
and I feel that I'm being misled ,
See I'm a little concerned for I've recently learned,
of the swastika tattoo on your head,

And it makes you smile when you hear "Sieg Heil",
You love the smell of a burning cross in the yard,
You do goose step salutes in your Doc Martin boots,
and you quoted "Mein Kampf" in our 5th anniversary card,

I think you're a nazi baby,
Are you a nazi?
You might be a nazi baby,

You keep extensive files on the Nuremberg trials,
and you watch them whenever they're airing,
I guess I should've known when you bought a new bone,
for your puppies named Goebbles and Goering,

You showed up late to our very first date,
I said "how are you" you said "white power",
Call me paranoid but I'm not overjoyed,
when you ask me if I want to shower,

I think you're a nazi,
Don't be lying baby,
Are you a nazi?
Are you anti-Zion maybe?

Your every dress is monagramed SS,
you hold an Aryan picnic and bash,
And it makes me irate when you say I look great,
when I wear a little tiny moustache,

Your social politics say that races don't mix,
and you call it pure blood pollution,
And whenever I'm sad, you say it's not so bad,
for every problem there's a "Final Solution",

I think you're a nazi,
Give me an answer baby,
Are you a nazi?
You drive a fucking panzer baby,

They say that love is blind so how could I have guessed,
but then again I met you at the Wagner Fest,

I know you're a nazi,
And that's why I'm leavin',
I know you're a nazi.

- Stephen Lynch

Quote of the Day

When man meets a force he can't destroy, he destroys himself.

- 30 Days of Night

My Favorite Things

Walking through the park with my favorite girl,
Thinking 'bout busting nuts like crazy squirrels,
Run across my boy, cooling hard by the liquor store,
He gives me a slap and then he calls himself a whore,
I mean the Mack Daddy, Grand Exaulted Papa Pooba, Super Hoe, Super Sperm,
Knocking boots with crazy women, call him Mister Firm,
Yeah, that's my boy, and he tells me a story about the girls that he had last night,
Two women, fly as can be,
Dancing in the club, and they walk up to B,
So he grabs one by the hair and to the other he quotes:
"Would you like some beer, or my tongue down your throat?"
I say "Hold up B., is this true, you ain't lying?"
He looks me straight, and says "If I'm lying, I'm dying."
So I give him respect and then slip him a five,
So he can buy me a 40 and then continue his jive,
40's in hand, down the block we keep walking,
Knowing this is the life, and these are some of my favorite things.

We hop on the train feeling sorta kinda happy,
Hide my hair under my hat 'cause growing dreads gets kinda nappy,
Gettiing funny looks from people 'cause we're dressed to step out,
Plus the beer in our system makes us shout, no doubt,
Get of the train at the club and we walk by the crowd,
'Cause I know this guy inside with crazy clout, anyhow,
I step to the DJ booth say "What Up?" to my man,
Tell him I wanna dance, could he throw on Rakim?
Down the ladder I go to hunt for my girl to dance,
My boy walks up to me with two beers in his hands,
Gives them both to me, and says "Beer's on the house,
Who do you know in here man?", I say "You know I got clout."
Find a girl give her a beer and start grinding up to her,
Smile nice at her, so she knows there's nothing to fear,
Tell her "I'll be back." 'cause I gotta pee,
The DJ slips on a new cut, whaddya know, it's me!
People grooving on the floor to my latest local single,
As I step into the bathroom I hear my funky dope jingle,
Back to the floor, bass makes my ears start to ring,
But I dance with a girl, knowing these are my favorite things.,

The club closes at two, one forty-five by my watch,
One last visit to the DJ to tell him that he's top-notch,
Find B. on a barstool kissing with this girl,
Put my hand on his back, and ask him where in the world
is he going tonight, and does he need a ride?
I got crazy cab fare, and I'm feeling kinda tired,
My boy looks at me funny and tells me "It's early,"
Asks me "Where are you going, and yo, where is your girl, G?"
I say "Oh snap, I left her on the dance floor!"
The DJ announces that he's going to play just one more,
So I groove to the stage to see where she is at,
She's still dancing to the beat, and I'm feeling like a mack,
So I step over to her and take her by the hand,
Say "Girl, let me take you to a far away land."
She laughs and says "Boy, stop being smooth."
But she doesn't let go at the end of the groove,
Calling it a night we retire for the evening,
She pulls me to her close and whispers "These are my favorite things."

- Spike Satori

Quote of the Day

Oh, squiggly line in my eye fluid, I see you there, lurking on the periphery of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Why only when I ignore you do you return to the center of my eye? Oh, squiggly line, it's all right. You are forgiven.

- Stewie [Family Guy]

Quote of the Day

It is easier for a man to destroy the light within him than to defeat the darkness surrounding him.

- Unknown

Quote of the Day

I've got an idea. An idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.

- Peter Griffin [Family Guy]

Paul Revere

Now here's a little story, I got to tell,
About 3 bad brothers you know so well,
It started way back in history,
with Ad Rock, M.C.A., and me, Mike D.

Been had a little horsey called Paul Revere,
Just me and my horsie and a quart of beer,
Riding 'cross the land, kicking up sand,
Sherrif's posse's on my tail because I'm in demand.

One lonely Beastie I be,
All by myself without nobody,
The sun is beating down on my baseball hat,
The air is getting hot, my beer is getting flat,
Looking for a girl, I run into a guy,
His name was MCA he said "howdy", I said "hi".

He told a little story that sounded well rehearsed,
4 days on the run and that he's dying of thirst,
The brew was in my hand, and he was on my tip,
His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry, he asked me for a sip,
He said, "Can I get some?,"
I said, "You can't get none,"
Had a chance to run, he pulled out his shotgun,
Quick on the draw, I thought I'd be dead,
He put the gun to my head and this is what he said:

"Now my name is MCA I got a license to kill,
I think you know what time it is it's time to get ill,
Now what do we have here? An outlaw and his beer?
I run this land, you understand, I make myself clear?"
We stepped into the wind, he had a gun I had a grin,
You think this story's over but it's ready to begin.

Now I got the gun, you got the brew,
You got two choices of what you can do,
It's not a tough decision as you can see,
I can blow you away or you can ride with me.

I said I'll ride with you if you can get me to the border,
The sheriff's after me for what I did to his daughter,
I did it like this, I did it like that,
I did it with a whiffleball bat,
So I'm on the run, the cop's got my gun,
And right about now, it's time to have some fun,
The King Adrock, that is my name,
And I know the fly spot where they got the champagne.

We rode for six hours then we hit the spot,
The beat was a bumping and the girlies was hot,
This dude was staring like he knows who we are,
We took the empty spot next to him at the bar,
M.C.A. said, "Yo, you know this kid?",
I said, "I didn't," but I know he did,
The kid said, "Get ready cause this ain't funny,
My name's Mike D. and I'm about to get money."
Pulled out the jammy, aimed it at the sky,
He yelled, "Stick 'em up!", and let two fly,
Hands went up and people hit the floor,
He wasted two kids that ran for the door,
"I'm Mike D. and I get respect,
your cash and your jewelry is what I expect."
M.C.A. was with it and he's my ace,
So I grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face,
The piano player's out, the music stopped,
His boy had beef, and he got dropped,
Mike D. grabbed the money, M.C.A. snatched the gold,
I grabbed two girlies and a beer that's cold.

- Beastie Boys

Let it Die

Heart of gold but it lost its pride,
Beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes,
I've seen your face in another light,
Why'd you have to go and let it die?

Why'd you have to go and let it die?
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
In too deep and out of time.
Why'd you have to go and let it die?

A simple man and his blushing bride,
Intravenous, intertwined,
Hearts gone cold your hands were tied,
Why'd you have to go and let it die?

Why'd you have to go and let it die?
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
In too deep and out of time.
Why'd you have to go and let it die?

Do you ever think of me?
You're so considerate.
Do you ever think of me?
Oh, so considerate.

In too deep and lost in time
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
Beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes
Why'd you have to go and let it die?

Why'd you have to go and let it die?


- Foo Fighters

Quote of All Time

Life is just blah blah blah. You hope for blah. And sometimes you find it, but mostly it's blah and waiting for blah. And hoping you were right about the blahs you made. And then, just when you think you've got the whole blahed damn thing figured out and you're surrounded by the ones you blah, death shows up, and blah, blah, blah.

- Weeds [Showtime]

Quote of the Day

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant. And I know good times are just around the corner.

- Daniel Tosh

Don't Let me be Misunderstood

Baby, do you understand me now,
Sometimes I feel a little mad,
But don't you know that no one alive
can always be an angel,
When things go wrong I seem to be bad,

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good,
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree,
With a joy that's hard to hide,
And sometimes it seems that all I have do is worry,
Then you're bound to see my other side,

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good,
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

If I seem edgy I want you to know,
That I never mean to take it out on you,
Life has it's problems and I get my share,
And that's one thing I never meant to do,
Because I love you.

Oh, Oh baby don't you know I'm human,
Have thoughts like any other one,
Sometimes I find myself long regretting,
Some foolish thing some little simple thing I've done,

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good,
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

- The Animals

Quote of the Day

Waiting was, he knew, a sin; moments were to be experienced; waiting was both a sin against the time still to come and the moments one was currently disregarding.

- Neil Gaiman [Neverwhere]

Quote of the Day

Before I discovered chick flicks, women only made me cry through my penis. Now they make me cry through my eyes.

- Peter Griffin

And now for a message from the National Pancake Institute...

"...and it reads 'Fuck waffles'".

"Life.....is a series of dogs."

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "

- George Carlin

Rest in peace George. I just hope you're not stuck on the roof.

Quote of the Day

Sorry don't make it manilla.

- School for Scoundrels

Quote of the Day

It was a dream, and in dreams you have no choices: either there are no decisions to be made, or they were made for you long before the dream ever began.

- Neil Gaiman [American Gods]

Quote of the Day

Every hour wounds, the last one kills.

- Common folk saying

Quote of the Day

With the throttle screwed on there is no room at all for mistakes. It has to be done right... and that's when the strange music starts, when you stretch your luck so far that fear becomes exhilaration, and vibrates along your arms. The Edge. There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others - the living - are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when the time came to choose between Now and Later. But the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In. It is a means to an end, to the place of definitions.

- Hunter S. Thompson

Wounded Bird

I'm way too tired to be lonely,
I spend my days as an only,
I want to be saved, but I just don't know,
Alone we've got nothing, or haven't you heard?
I guess we're just two wounded birds,

Now you're here and we're alone,
We still don't know what it takes,
We want to feel love,
We want, we want to feel it,
But we're just so scared,
Alone we've got nothing, or haven't you heard?
I guess we're just two wounded birds,

I get so high ,
You give me shelter I guess I'm alive,
I get so high,
You give me shelter to get through the night,
Alone we've got nothing, but haven't you heard?
I guess we're just two wounded birds,

I'm way too tired to be lonely,
You give me shelter to get through the night.


- Charles & Eddie

Quote of the Day

Love is when you like something as much as your motorcycle.

Sonny Barger, Hell's Angels

Quote of the Day

There's just something about riding. It's a sense of purpose. Every mile ridden is a mile closer to it. You know, the big it. Just keep burning pal. Keep on the gas and keep burning into the future. Burn into something new, something different, something better. When you feel that burn, like, really feel it. Inside. The hardest thing in the world is keeping your momentum. Not taking a breather. The future is scary. Change is usually not a good thing. We fear that which is different. Forget all these things. Keep your eyes on the road ahead. Anticipate the curves and chicanes between you and your destination. When you walk someplace, none of this matters. There is no momentum. The only road you see is that which is under your feet.

- Dave Lawrence (The Bartender Journals)

Back in Black

Back in black, I hit the sack,
I've been too long, I'm glad to be back,
Yes I'm let loose from the noose,
That's kept me hangin' about,
I been livin like a star 'cause it's gettin' me high,
Forget the hearse, 'cause I never die,
I got nine lives, cat's eyes ,
abusing every one of them and running wild.

'Cause I'm back! Yes, I'm back!
Well, I'm back! Yes, I'm back!
Well, I'm baaack, baaack...
Well, I'm back in black,
Yes, I'm back in black!

Back in a band, I got Cadillac,
Number one with a bullet, I'm a power pack,
Yes I'm in a band with a gang,
they gotta catch me if they want me to hang,
'Cause I'm back on the track and I'm beatin' the flack,
Nobody's gonna get me on another rap,
So look at me now, I'm just a makin' my pay,
Don't try to push your luck, just get outta my way.

'Cause I'm back! Yes, I'm back!
Well, I'm back! Yes, I'm back!
Well, I'm baaack, baaack...
Well, I'm back in black,
Yes, I'm back in black!


- AC DC

Quote of the Day

The Menace is loose again [...] like Genghis Khan on an iron horse, a monster steed with a fiery anus, flat out through the eye of a beer can and straight up your daughter's leg with no quarter asked and none given.

- Hunter S. Thompson

Quote of the Day

I wait and I remember. Remember the time when responsibility was just a word I couldn't spell. When freedom was intangible. When I was just a boy fucking up my future. Not a man meddling with my present.

- Dave Lawrence (The Bartender Journals)

Quote of the Day

Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.

- Tom Robbins

Stand and Peel

Since I know how low to go,
I wont let it show,
Won't you touch me touch me, I won't let it go,
And now I stand, and I peel for more.
Won't you touch me touch me, I won't let it go.

Yes I've finally found a reason,
I don't need an excuse,
I've got this time on my hands,
You are the one to abuse.

Yes I've finally found a reason,
I don't need an excuse,
I've got this time on my hands,
You are the one to abuse.
One to abuse.

You're always talking back to me,
You won't let it be, won't you touch me touch me,
It never bothered you before,
Now I stand and I peel for more, won't you touch me touch me, I wont let it go.

Yes I've finally found a reason,
I don't need an excuse,
I've got this time on my hands,
You are the one to abuse.

Yes I've finally found a reason,
I don't need an excuse,
I've got this time on my hands,
You are the one to abuse.
One to abuse.


- Days of the New

Quote of the Day

If there is a coworker or a customer that brightens up your day, someone who you look forward to being around, cherish the moments. People move, people leave, and life is fleeting.

- Stephen Kittredge Cunningham

St. James Infirmary

I went down to St. James Infirmary
To see my baby there,
She was lyin' on a long white table,
So sweet, so cool, so fair.

I went down to old Joe's barroom,
On the corner by the square
They were serving the drinks as usual,
And the usual crowd was there.

On my left stood old Joe McKennedy,
And his eyes were bloodshot red;
He turned to the crowd around him,
These are the words he said:

Let her go, let her go, God bless her;
Wherever she may be
She may search the wide world over
And never find a better man than me

Now that's the end of my story
Let's have another round of booze
And if anyone should ask you just tell them
I've got the St. James Infirmary blues

- Irving Mills

Toads will be Violated

Kid; down by the creek, playing in the water,
along comes a Toad, humming Muddy Waters,
Toad says to the Kid, "Kid, have you got a quarter?",
Kid smiles at the Toad, says "Toad, you're out of order."
Pulls out a billy club, and holds it like a sword or
knife, says, "You got until the count of four or
five. Then if you're still here, you're slaughter.
I'll feed you to a cook, who's short order."
Toad looks at the Kid with a look that borders
on disbelief, then he follows the Kid's orders,
The Kid cries out "Stop!", and steps on Toad's hindquarters,
says, "I changed my mind, I'll become an extorter.
Go down to the bank, and get a money order.
I'm the sheriff 'round here, I'm the law and order.
If you're not back by five, I'll be sure'n make you holler."
Toad thought and thought, and wished he had a fly swatter,
but he didn't, and he knew bad luck was in his corner,
he was damned if he did, and damned if he sorta,
so he grabbed his sombrero and took off for the border.

- Spike Satori

Quote of the Day

Never under any circumstances is it a good idea to stir-fry naked.

- Stephen Kittredge Cunningham

Quote of the Year

That's the way it goes. But don't forget, it goes the other way too.

- Narrator, True Romance

Running with the Devil

I live my life like there's no tomorrow,
and all I've got, I had to steal,
Least I don't need to beg or borrow,
Yes I'm livin' at a pace that kills,

Runnin' with the devil!
Runnin' with the devil!
I'm gonna tell ya all about it...

I found the simple life ain't so simple,
When I jumped out, on that road,
I got no love, no love you'd call real,
Ain't got nobody, waitin' at home ,

Runnin' with the devil!
God damn it lady. You know I ain't lyin' to ya,
I'm only gonna tell you one time,
Runnin' with the devil!

You know I found the simple life,
Weren't so simple, no,
When I jumped out, on that road,
Got no love, no love you'd call real,
Got nobody, waitin' at home,

Runnin' with the devil
Hold on. Hold on, I'm runnin'!
Runnin' with the devil!
Come on, one more time!


- Van Halen

Stack-o-lee

This here song is from back in the day,
Nineteen-hundred and sixty-two,
My woman put my black ass out in the cold,
I said, "baby why you leavin'?"
She said, "our love dun gone cold,"
Oh, I waded through water and I waded through mud,
Till I come to this place they call the Bucket of Blood.

You know that bartender gave me a dirty look and a dirty glass,
I said, "say muthafucka do you know who I am?"
He said, "hell no nigga I don't give a goddamn."

I reached down in my pocket and pulled out my shiny 44,
Shot that muthafucka twice,
He hit the goddamn floor,
'bout that time you coulda heard the drop of a pin,
That's when that bad muthafucka Billy Lyons walked in,

About that time a pimp eased up and turned out the lights,
That's when I had ol' Billy Lyons dead in my sights,
When the lights come back on ol' Billy gone to rest,
I put nine of my bullets in his muthafuckin' chest,
Yeah!

-Samuel Jackson [Black Snake Moan]

Quote of the Week

Listen up maggots.

You are not your job.
You are not how much money you have in the bank.
You are not the car you drive.
You are not the contents of your wallet.
You are not your fucking khakis.

You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

You are not special.
You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
We are all part of the same compost heap.

On a long enough timeline, everyone dies.

- Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Quote of the Day

"If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot you don't."

- Chuck Palahniuk [Fight Club]

Quote of the Day

I want you to do me a favor.

Yeah, sure...

I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

What?... in the face?

Surprise me.

This is so fucking stupid.

- Fight Club

Quote of the Day

I wanted to worship beauty. Sane reflection, and I realised that beauty costs, expense and effort. Even the wish to see the sun set on the Himalayas was a wish unfulfilled without a ticket to, boarding the very early morning train to, and the uphill climbing. Why trouble? Why not dream instead? Convinced, I provided me an arm chair, and induced experience. Thus I realized Beauty, and Beauty-experience. Such visions!

- G.V. Desani

Home Sweet Home

You know I'm a dreamer,
But my heart's of gold,
I had to run away high,
So I wouldn't come home low,
Just when things went right,
Doesn't mean they're always wrong,
Just take this song and you'll never feel,
Left all alone,

Take me to your heart,
Feel me in your bones,
Just one more night,
And I'm comin' off this,
Long and winding road,

I'm on my way,
I'm on my way,
Home sweet home,
Tonight, tonight,
I'm on my way,
I'm on my way,
Home sweet home,

You know that I've seen,
Too many romantic dreams,
Up in lights, fallin' off the silver screen,

My heart's like an open book,
For the whole world to read,
Sometimes nothing keeps me together at the seams,

I'm on my way,
I'm on my way,
Home sweet home,
Tonight, tonight,
I'm on my way,
Just set me free,
Home Sweet Home.

- Motley Crue

Quote of the Day

Do not rush through life, pause and enjoy it.

- Fortune Cookie

Quote of the Day

You know what they say: "Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar eats you."

- Narrator, The Big Lebowski

Quote of the Day

I like feeling good. Feeling good makes me FEEL good.

- Unknown (to me) comedian

Quote of the Day

Putting your life in danger is actual living, the rest is television.

- The Hunting Party

Quote of the Day

Change is everywhere waiting; you can't stop it. You don't have to run into the street to call out for a taxi. You'll get run over.

- Ron Carlson (In Old Moab)

Quote of the Day

It is a wonder to me that I don't more frequently jump in rivers; it is something that can make you feel more like yourself than any of your other plans. I'm a strange locked-up soul that way. I know what's good for me, and I do it about half the time. More now, but still.

- Ron Carlson (In Old Moab)

Quote of the Day

You are a serious person, but your seriousness is attached to what you do, not to what goes on outside you. You dwell upon yourself too much. And that produces a terrible fatigue.

- Carlos Castenada

Quote of the Day

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

- Douglas Adams

Quotes of the Month

Unfortunately, there are some things that glue just won't glue, no matter how much you apply.

- Laura Kipnis

Solutions are all simple [..] only when you know already what they are.
Mountains should be climbed with as little effort as possible and without desire.

- Robert M. Pirsig

If love lies on a path from not having to having, then possessing what you wanted changes the nature of the enterprise - and along with it, the pleasure in it.

- Georg Simmel

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.

Play the game for more than you can afford to lose... only then will you learn the game.

Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.

- Winston Churchill

Quote of the Day

Alas, that love, so gentle in his view,
Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof,
Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,
Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will.
O teach me how I should forget to think,
Do more for me than liberate my eyes.

- William Shakespeare

Quote of the Day

We all want to help one another; human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there's room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful.

But we have lost the way.

- Adenoid Hynkel [The Great Dictator]

Thought of the Day

A soldier came to Hakuin and asked "Is there really a paradise and a hell?"

"Who are you?" inquired Hakuin.

"I am a samurai," the warrior replied.

"You, a samurai!" exclaimed Hakuin. "What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar!"

The soldier became so angry that he began to draw his sword, but Hakuin continued. "So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably as dull as your head!"

As the soldier drew his sword Hakuin remarked "Here open the gates of hell!"

At these words, the samurai, perceiving the discipline of the master, sheathed his sword and bowed.

"Here open the gates of paradise," said Hakuin.

Quote of the Day

Some mother-fuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill.

- Blade

I Against I

I-ya,
I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,
I-ya, I-ya,
I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,

Right here is where the end gon' start at,
conflict, contact 'n' combat,
fighters stand where the land is marked at,
settle the dispute about who the livest,
3 word answer,
Whoever survive this,
only one of us can ride forever,
so you and I cant ride together,
can't live or cant die together,
all we can do is collide together,
so I skillfully apply the pressure,
won't stop until I'm forever... one!

A door step where death never come,
spread across time til my time never done,
and I'm never done,
walk tall, why ever run?
when they move if I ever come?
bad man never fret the war, tell'em come
general we have the stock, the mad fire burn

I-ya,
I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,

I-ya, I-ya,
I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
survive...

Reign supreme in your U-N-I,
V-E-R-S-E with the sharpness,
narrow row building no space for partners,
no space for drivers, no space for walkers,
no space regardless,
your on my path then get off it,
hardheaded and unresponsive,
get they lives put on target with harshness,
come with the canons sparkin' they darken,
who am i? one man squadron,
Ma stir the fire this time that'd snatch your tomorrow,
the thousand yard spear that'll pierce through your armor,
you can get it on right now if you want to,
but when ya front 9 get marched through,
I warned you,
You know who forever belong to,

I-ya, I-ya
I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,

I-ya, I-ya,
I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine, survive
survive...

- Mos Def

Funky Monks

There are no monks in my band
There are no saints in this land
I'll be doing all I can
If I die an honest man
Confusion is my middle name
Ask me again I'll tell you the same
Persuaded by one sexy dame
No I do not feel no shame

You are on the road
Can I get a little lovin' from you
Can I get a little bit of that done did do
You are on the road
Tell me now girl that you need me too
Tell me now girl 'cause I've got a feeling for you

Every man has certain needs
Talkin' 'bout them dirty deeds
To these needs I must concede
Livin' by my lowly creed

Woman please know that I'm good
Know that I did all I could
But yes it's true likelihood
Of being great is not so good

You are on the road
Can I get a little lovin' fom you
Can I get a little bit of that done did do
You are on the road
Tell me now girl that you need me too
Tell me now girl 'cause I've got a feeling for you

There are no monks in my band
There are no saints in this land
I'll be doing all I can
If I die an honest man

Virtue slipped into my shoe
No I will not miscontrue
More rockin' more rockin' now doobley doo
Dancin' down your avenue

You are on the road
Can I get a little lovin' fom you
Can I get a little bit of that done did do
You are on the road
Tell me now girl that you need me too
Tell me now girl 'cause I've got a feeling for you

- Red Hot Chili Peppers

Quote of the Day

Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn't want to do that. It seemed aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But her teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle.

The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons.

The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, "May I have permission to go into battle with you?"

Fear said, "Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission."

Then the young warrior said, "How can I defeat you?"

Fear replied, "My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don't do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don't do what I say, I have no power."

In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear.

- Pema Chodron

Quote of the Day

When things fall apart and we are on the verge of we know not what, the test for each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize.

- Pema Chodron

Song of the Sausage Creature

There are some things nobody needs in this world, and a bright-red, hunch-back, warp-speed 900cc cafe racer is one of them - but I want one anyway, and on some days I actually believe I need one. That is why they are dangerous.

Everybody has fast motorcycles these days. Some people go 150 miles an hour on two-lane blacktop roads, but not often. There are too many oncoming trucks and too many radar cops and too many stupid animals in the way. You have to be a little crazy to ride these super-torque high-speed crotch rockets anywhere except a racetrack - and even there, they will scare the whimpering shit out of you... There is, after all, not a pig's eye worth of difference between going head-on into a Peterbilt or sideways into the bleachers. On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.

When Cycle World called me to ask if I would road-test the new Harley Road King, I got uppity and said I'd rather have a Ducati superbike. It seemed like a chic decision at the time, and my friends on the superbike circuit got very excited. "Hot damn," they said. "We will take it to the track and blow the bastards away."

"Balls," I said. "Never mind the track. The track is for punks. We are Road People. We are Cafe Racers."

The Cafe Racer is a different breed, and we have our own situations. Pure speed in sixth gear on a 5000-foot straightaway is one thing, but pure speed in third gear on a gravel-strewn downhill ess-turn is quite another.

But we like it. A thoroughbred Cafe Racer will ride all night through a fog storm in freeway traffic to put himself into what somebody told him was the ugliest and tightest decreasing-radius turn since Genghis Khan invented the corkscrew.

Cafe Racing is mainly a matter of taste. It is an atavistic mentality, a peculiar mix of low style, high speed, pure dumbness, and overweening commitment to the Cafe Life and all its dangerous pleasures... I am a Cafe Racer myself, on some days - and it is one of my finest addictions.

I am not without scars on my brain and my body, but I can live with them. I still feel a shudder in my spine every time I see a picture of a Vincent Black Shadow, or when I walk into a public restroom and hear crippled men whispering about the terrifying Kawasaki Triple... I have visions of compound femur-fractures and large black men in white hospital suits holding me down on a gurney while a nurse called "Bess" sews the flaps of my scalp together with a stitching drill.

Ho, ho. Thank God for these flashbacks. The brain is such a wonderful instrument (until God sinks his teeth into it). Some people hear Tiny Tim singing when they go under, and some others hear the song of the Sausage Creature.

When the Ducati turned up in my driveway, nobody knew what to do with it. I was in New York, covering a polo tournament, and people had threatened my life. My lawyer said I should give myself up and enroll in the Federal Witness Protection Program. Other people said it had something to do with the polo crowd.

The motorcycle business was the last straw. It had to be the work of my enemies, or people who wanted to hurt me. It was the vilest kind of bait, and they knew I would go for it.

Of course. You want to cripple the bastard? Send him a 130-mph cafe-racer. And include some license plates, he'll think it's a streetbike. He's queer for anything fast.

Which is true. I have been a connoisseur of fast motorcycles all my life. I bought a brand-new 650 BSA Lightning when it was billed as "the fastest motorcycle ever tested by Hot Rod magazine." I have ridden a 500-pound Vincent through traffic on the Ventura Freeway with burning oil on my legs and run the Kawa 750 Triple through Beverly Hills at night with a head full of acid... I have ridden with Sonny Barger and smoked weed in biker bars with Jack Nicholson, Grace Slick, Ron Zigler and my infamous old friend, Ken Kesey, a legendary Cafe Racer.

Some people will tell you that slow is good - and it may be, on some days - but I am here to tell you that fast is better. I've always believed this, in spite of the trouble it's caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba....

So when I got back from New York and found a fiery red rocket-style bike in my garage, I realized I was back in the road-testing business.

The brand-new Ducati 900 Campione del Mundo Desmodue Supersport double-barreled magnum Cafe Racer filled me with feelings of lust every time I looked at it. Others felt the same way. My garage quickly became a magnet for drooling superbike groupies. They quarreled and bitched at each other about who would be the first to help me evaluate my new toy... And I did, of course, need a certain spectrum of opinions, besides my own, to properly judge this motorcycle. The Woody Creek Perverse Environmental Testing Facility is a long way from Daytona or even top-fuel challenge-sprints on the Pacific Coast Highway, where teams of big-bore Kawasakis and Yamahas are said to race head-on against each other in death-defying games of "chicken" at 100 miles an hour....

No. Not everybody who buys a high-dollar torque-brute yearns to go out in a ball of fire on a public street in L.A. Some of us are decent people who want to stay out of the emergency room, but still blast through neo-gridlock traffic in residential districts whenever we feel like it... For that we need Fine Machinery.

Which we had - no doubt about that. The Ducati people in New Jersey had opted, for some reasons of their own, to send me the 900ss-sp for testing - rather than their 916 crazy-fast, state-of-the-art superbike track-racer. It was far too fast, they said - and prohibitively expensive - to farm out for testing to a gang of half-mad Colorado cowboys who think they're world-class Cafe Racers.

The Ducati 900 is a finely engineered machine. My neighbors called it beautiful and admired its racing lines. The nasty little bugger looked like it was going 90 miles an hour when it was standing still in my garage.

Taking it on the road, though, was a genuinely terrifying experience. I had no sense of speed until I was going 90 and coming up fast on a bunch of pickup trucks going into a wet curve along the river. I went for both brakes, but only the front one worked, and I almost went end over end. I was out of control staring at the tailpipe of a U.S. Mail truck, still stabbing frantically at my rear brake pedal, which I just couldn't find... I am too tall for these new-age roadracers; they are not built for any rider taller than five-nine, and the rearset brake pedal was not where I thought it would be. Mid-size Italian pimps who like to race from one cafe to another on the boulevards of Rome in a flat-line prone position might like this, but I do not.

I was hunched over the tank like a person diving into a pool that got emptied yesterday. Whacko! Bashed on the concrete bottom, flesh ripped off, a Sausage Creature with no teeth, fucked-up for the rest of its life.

We all love Torque, and some of us have taken it straight over the high side from time to time - and there is always Pain in that... But there is also Fun, the deadly element, and Fun is what you get when you screw this monster on. BOOM! Instant take-off, no screeching or squawking around like a fool with your teeth clamping down on our tongue and your mind completely empty of everything but fear.

No. This bugger digs right in and shoots you straight down the pipe, for good or ill.

On my first take-off, I hit second gear and went through the speed limit on a two-lane blacktop highway full of ranch traffic. By the time I went up to third, I was going 75 and the tach was barely above 4000 rpm....

And that's when it got its second wind. From 4000 to 6000 in third will take you from 75 mph to 95 in two seconds - and after that, Bubba, you still have fourth, fifth, and sixth. Ho, ho.

I never got to sixth gear, and I didn't get deep into fifth. This is a shameful admission for a full-bore Cafe Racer, but let me tell you something, old sport: This motorcycle is simply too goddamn fast to ride at speed in any kind of normal road traffic unless you're ready to go straight down the centerline with your nuts on fire and a silent scream in your throat.

When aimed in the right direction at high speed, though, it has unnatural capabilities. This I unwittingly discovered as I made my approach to a sharp turn across some railroad tracks, saw that I was going way too fast and that my only chance was to veer right and screw it on totally, in a desperate attempt to leapfrog the curve by going airborne.

It was a bold and reckless move, but it was necessary. And it worked: I felt like Evel Knievel as I soared across the tracks with the rain in my eyes and my jaws clamped together in fear. I tried to spit down on the tracks as I passed them, but my mouth was too dry... I landed hard on the edge of the road and lost my grip for a moment as the Ducati began fishtailing crazily into oncoming traffic. For two or three seconds I came face to face with the Sausage Creature....

But somehow the brute straightened out. I passed a schoolbus on the right and got the bike under control long enough to gear down and pull off into an abandoned gravel driveway where I stopped and turned off the engine. My hands had seized up like claws and the rest of my body was numb. I felt nauseous and I cried for my mama, but nobody heard, then I went into a trance for 30 or 40 seconds until I was finally able to light a cigarette and calm down enough to ride home. I was too hysterical to shift gears, so I went the whole way in first at 40 miles an hour.

Whoops! What am I saying? Tall stories, ho, ho... We are motorcycle people; we walk tall and we laugh at whatever's funny. We shit on the chests of the Weird....

But when we ride very fast motorcycles, we ride with immaculate sanity. We might abuse a substance here and there, but only when it's right. The final measure of any rider's skill is the inverse ratio of his preferred Traveling Speed to the number of bad scars on his body. It is that simple: If you ride fast and crash, you are a bad rider. And if you are a bad rider, you should not ride motorcycles.

The emergence of the superbike has heightened this equation drastically. Motorcycle technology has made such a great leap forward. Take the Ducati. You want optimum cruising speed on this bugger? Try 90mph in fifth at 5500 rpm - and just then, you see a bull moose in the middle of the road. WHACKO. Meet the Sausage Creature.

Or maybe not: The Ducati 900 is so finely engineered and balanced and torqued that you *can* do 90 mph in fifth through a 35-mph zone and get away with it. The bike is not just fast - it is *extremely* quick and responsive, and it *will* do amazing things... It is like riding a Vincent Black Shadow, which would outrun an F-86 jet fighter on the take-off runway, but at the end, the F-86 would go airborne and the Vincent would not, and there was no point in trying to turn it. WHAMO! The Sausage Creature strikes again.

There is a fundamental difference, however, between the old Vincents and the new breed of superbikes. If you rode the Black Shadow at top speed for any length of time, you would almost certainly die. That is why there are not many life members of the Vincent Black Shadow Society. The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time.

It was impossible. But so was my terrifying sideways leap across the railroad tracks on the 900sp. The bike did it easily with the grace of a fleeing tomcat. The landing was so easy I remember thinking, goddamnit, if I had screwed it on a little more I could have gone a lot farther.

Maybe this is the new Cafe Racer macho. My bike is so much faster than yours that I dare you to ride it, you lame little turd. Do you have the balls to ride this BOTTOMLESS PIT OF TORQUE?

That is the attitude of the new-age superbike freak, and I am one of them. On some days they are about the most fun you can have with your clothes on. The Vincent just killed you a lot faster than a superbike will. A fool couldn't ride the Vincent Black Shadow more than once, but a fool can ride a Ducati 900 many times, and it will always be a bloodcurdling kind of fun. That is the Curse of Speed which has plagued me all my life. I am a slave to it. On my tombstone they will carve, "IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME."

- Hunter S. Thompson

Always and Never

If beauty sits the child's kiss of laughter I amend
Can you catch her if she runs?
With this I would share with you
All of this come to no end
Behind your sealed eyes you miss all that I've done for you
Will you catch me when I run?
If timing play evident
What will you say when you're late?

Stay with me and fall asleep
Pray to god for no bad dreams
Stay with me and fall asleep
Pray to god for no bad dreams

Here
I'm still waiting here, my dear
For one kiss from you...

- Coheed and Cambria

Big News

The fog is rolling in, the tide is high,
Diane's as fat can be, aye Captain aye,
The guests seem more than pleased,
How is the wine?
We shall be underway on the bye and bye,

Ahead one third, ahead two thirds,
Full ahead, flank,
And out from the belly of a whale came a prophet,
Amen!

Go shoot the moon, the sun, the great divide,
I believe there's a storm a brewin',
Nine crows at nine 'o clock nigh,
Dutch men on the mizzen mast,
Six harpies are singing to the lee,
I believe she's going down,
I believe we're gonna die, die, die,

Fortune tellers make a killing nowadays,
Me oh my!
Howdy Doody's past the house of Aquarius,
Bring me more whisky and rye,
Big news from the party boat,

Oh sir, do not distress, the food is fine,
Oh, but I must confess,
I do find the wine a wee bit dry,
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rye,
Drink and the devil had done for the rest,
She's sunk full fathom, five, five, five,

Fortune tellers make a killing nowadays,
Me oh my!
Howdy Doody's past the house of Aquarius,
Bring me more whisky and rye,
Big news from the party boat,

Them bones, them bones, them dry, dry bones,
Come down to the locker of Davy Jones.

- Clutch

Quote of the Day

Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.

- Robert Frost

Big Wet Kiss Intro

So, you started with a job that means nothing to you but money,

The world about you is in turmoil, but yet you exist in a happy cocoon,

"My love affairs are a mess!", you cry, "I am so low!"

And then the cardboard puppet, it did speak to me, and it said:

"Who are these beautiful angels, in multi-colored robes?"

- Chucklehead

2:18

Read this only at night, when the freaks are out rolling,
My words and rhymes, sometimes might seem stolen,
I ain't trippin' on you...
Throw the book into the dance hall:
it bounces like super glue,
Cohesion,
Adhesion,
And in a heartbeat,
Like the sugar called Equal I'm... sticky sweet,
See...like....get the cactus,
But it hurts when you grab it,
Needles through the skin, through the bones in your fingers,
Pain or Ecstasy,
Yet it lingers on...
on...
on....
on and on,
And it can never be wrong,
The ceiling's on the floor,
(Nevermore, Nevermore,)
Steal a glimpse towards the window: wrought iron bars the door,
Now the need for escape grows stronger,
You: weaker,
Like a chemist brewing secrets in a basement beaker,
Thrust into the backwoods by the fist of oppression,
Silently, meekly, submit to obsession,
A mass rises up and points the finger of blame,
But you retreat to your corner: can't break the grip of shame.
Lame,
Contain,
Fuel for your brain,
Put a cap on it: it's a strain,
Watching, eyes wide, a big behind,
The faster you move, the less you mind,
Falling backwards, into a pool of sludge
or jello, that tastes like chocolate fudge,
Bloating and floating, into the Stratosphere,
Rising above, "Nope, nothing wrong here,"
I'll win an award, my record's going vinyl,
Steal a toy train from some kid called Lionel,
Breathe out a cloud of dust, and watch the stars shine,
Raiders grab a trophy, it's a message: sublime,
From the Heavens, Good Heavens, I can't believe I said that,
So I grab a peace pipe, and that's the end of my rap...

- Spike Satori

You Can't Bring me Down

What the hell's going on around here?

First off-let's take it from the start
Straight out-can't change what's in my heart
No one-can tear my beliefs apart, you can't bring me

You ain't-never seen no one like me
Prevail-regardless what the cost might be
Power-flows inside of me, you can't bring me

Never-fall as long as I try
Refuse-to be a part of your lie
Even-if it means I die, you can't bring me

You...can't...bring...me...down!

Who the hell you calling crazy? You
wouldn't know what crazy was
If Charles Manson was eating fruit
loops on your front porch....

Time out-let's get something clear
I speak-more truth than you want to hear
Scapegoat-to cover up your fear, you can't bring me

You ain't-never seen so much might
Fight for-what I know is right
What up-you got yourself a fight, you can't bring me

Stand up-we'll all sing along
Together-ain't nothin' as strong
Won't quit-we ain't in the wrong, you can't bring me

You...can't...bring...me...down!

Bring me down-you can't bring me down!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down, no!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down!
Bring me down-you can't bring me
down, you can't bring me down!

You...can't...bring...me...down!

Bring me down-you can't bring me down!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down, no!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down!
Bring me down-you can't bring me
down, you can't bring me down!

So why you trying to bring me?
Well you can't bring me down...No, no, no, no
Can't bring me down....No, no, no, no, no, no
Can't bring me down....No, no, no, no, no, no
Can't bring me down....No, no, no, no, no, no
So why you trying to bring?
Well you can't bring me down

Just cause you don't understand what's going on
don't mean it don't make no sense
And just cause you don't like it,
don't mean it ain't no good
And let me tell you something;

Before you go taking a walk in my world
You better take a look at the real world
Cause this ain't no Mister Roger's Neighborhood
Can you say "feel like shit"?
Yea maybe sometimes I do feel like shit
I ain't happy 'bout it, but I'd rather feel
like shit than be full of shit!

And if I offended you, oh I'm sorry...
But maybe you need to be offended
But here's my apology and one more thing...fuck you!

Cos you...can't...bring...me...down!

Bring me down-you can't bring me down!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down, no!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down, no!
Bring me down-you can't bring me down, no!
Bring me down-you can't bring me
down, you can't bring me down!

Can't bring me down!
Can't bring me down!
Can't bring me down!

- Suicidal Tendancies

How Could Heaven?

Touch me, pervert me, it scares you to love me,
so close your eyes and let your mind reel free,
from the everyday lifestyle,
you've run the long mile,
let me come inside I want to see you smile,
that pretty little girlish grin,
baby let me be your friend,
two souls in the dark, and we'll never let the night end,
freaky fun, and when it's done,
we can go back to go, and do it all again,
I can kiss your cheek, and caress your best,
while you whimper in my ear, and get undressed,
pull me on the floor, thrust your tongue in my soul,
your deepest desire I'll do my best to console,
light a candle for the mood,
bright light subdued,
girl, be my fire in holy sanctitude,
Aphrodite be my Venus in the night before the light,
How could Heaven ever feel this right?

Nothing is alive but our love in overdrive,
there is no other truth,
in the room alone we thrive,
on the bodily contact and our soul bond, go on,
lead a dog to water and he'll drink it till it's gone,
heavy breathing from the touch of my hand on your arm,
I caress your body, and mean no harm,
bring a rush of emotion, devotion and my notion,
of the two free-est souls swimming naked in the ocean,
far from land, free from bondage to the earth,
bandage my affliction all I seek is merry mirth,
a wandering nomad, think I'll stay for awhile,
sometimes being lonely is wisdom's trial,
when I close my eyes, I see dragons and rainbows,
take me to a time where no memory can go,
alone together, I am yours for tonight,
and no one can tell me,
that Heaven feels this right.

Sweat me while the drums go on,
you know it's right but feels so wrong,
ignore what you have learned and
kiss me on my on and on,
prolong every feeling
so we can spend the night without sleeping,
my body fallls on yours,
feel the sun come creeping
into body and soul,
do me rock and roll,
feel hot? fret not,
dip your hand into the water bowl,
sweat beads on your forehead
let it run into your eyes,
Is that my hand on your chest?
feeling doesn't lie,
is that my toungue in your belly button?
free my hand to unbutton
every last piece of cloth that has yet to be undone,
clothes symbolize our inhibitions
crumpled on the floor,
i think you hear me knocking baby,
I'm coming in the door,
do me a little naked dance,
then walk over to me,
I will say a little prayer,
then drop to my knees,
breaking every law as we moan into the night,
and no one can tell us,
that Heaven feels this right.

- Spike Satori

7:20

Flurries against the gentle pane,
Life is borne this day,
A game inside this blessed rain,
please listen to its way,
Build-up momentum, then taken away,
the calm during the eye,
Thunder breaks to bring forth a new day,
this peace is but a lie,
Drops of rain roll and bead
on the brow of the horizon,
For now the motion of the falling sheets
gives life to my third eye and
I feel the moist earth.
Stride forth this bolt of lightning,
Before the storm's rebirth I give
a steady pulse most frightening,
Here comes the rain again...

- Spike Satori