My Dick

My dick cost a late night fee,
Your dick got the HIV ,
My dick plays on the double feature screen,
Your dick went straight to DVD,

My dick: bigger than a bridge,
Your dick look like a little kid's,
My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team,
Your shit look like you fourteen,

My dick: locked in a cage, right,
Your dick suffer from stage fright,
My dick: so hot, it's stolen,
Your dick look like Gary Coleman,

My dick: pink and big,
Your dick stinks like shit,
My dick got a Caesar do,
Your dick needs a tweezer, dude,

My dick is like super size,
Your dick look like two fries,
My dick: more mass than the Earth,
Your dick: half staff, it needs work,

My dick: been there done that,
Your dick sits there with dunce cap,
My dick: V.I.P.,
Your shit needs I.D.,

My dick need no introduction,
Your dick don't even function,
My dick served a whole lunch-in,
Your dick: it look like a munchkin,

My dick: size of a pumpkin,
Your dick look like Macaulay Culkin,
My dick: good good lovin',
Your dick: good for nothin',

My dick bench pressed 350,
Your dick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty,
My dick: pretty damn skimpy,
Your dick: hungry as a hippie,

My dick don't fit down the chimney,
Your dick is like a kid from the Philippines,
My dick is like an M16,
Your dick: broken vending machine,

My dick parts the seas,
Your dick farts and queefs,
My dick: rumble in the jungle,
Your dick got touched by your uncle,

My dick goes to yoga,
Your dick: fruit roll-up,
My dick: grade-A beef,
Your dick: Mayday geek,

My dick: sick and dangerous,
Your dick: quick and painless,
My dick: 'nuff said,
Your dick loves Fred.

- Mickey Avalon

Super Bon Bon

Move aside
and let the man go through,
Let the man go through.

If I stole
Somebody else's wave
to fly up,

If I rose
up with the avenue
behind me,

Some kind of verb,
Some kind of moving thing,
Something unseen,
Some hand is motioning,
to rise, to rise, to rise.

Too fat, fat you must cut lean,
You got to take the elevator to the mezzanine,
Chump change, and it's on,
Super bon bon, Super bon bon

And by the phone
I live in fear,
Sheer chance will draw
You in to here...

- Soul Coughing

Quote of the Day

Well it's a bit chillier than I thought, so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants.

- Michael Scott (The Office)

Schrutables

"There's nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon."

"I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me."

"It is better to be hurt by someone you know by accident, then by a complete stranger on purpose."

"The eyes are the groin of the head."

- Dwight Schrute [The Office]

Quote of the Day

Drive careful. Be lucky.

- Doomsday

Quote of the Day

I'm so sweet like a nice bon-bon.

- Beastie Boys

Quote of the Day

We're not so different, you and I. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. I got over it. You will too.

- Gam Gam [Beer Fest]

Quote of the Day

Men are shameless. If they aren't thinking with their weiner, they're acting directly on its behalf.

- Good Will Hunting